No, it isn't to be on Broadway or to even have a leading role in community theater. Or to have a blog that people actually read. Or bigger breasts and a smaller nose. Or get carded again at the liquor store. I said "secret", not desperately apparent.
I want to be a runner. I love love love the idea of running. I hate to run. But, I want to do it. I want to run longer and faster than my husband so I can be better at something than he is. Besides spelling. I also want to lose my last 11 pounds of baby weight, run in races for fun, and did I mention lose that baby weight? I want a hobby that makes me feel good, look good, and one I can do anywhere.
So what's stopping me? Um, I hate to run. My shoes are pretty crap, but I won't pay a bunch of money to buy new ones when I could buy a great pair of heels. It's cold in Boston and the only thing worse than running is, you guessed it, freezing my ass of while doing so. Hold on, I have more excuses. It's bad for the knees. I look funny when I run because my knees are slightly crooked and my lower leg kicks out a bit. The only time I can do it is at 5am (that's true). I can't take the dog because he stops every 10 feet to spray something, but I can't leave him at home because it's wasted dog-walking time. I'm in the Air Force now, and it's not like I HAVE to run fast. I just plan on trying to get pregnant again at the end of the year, so why get in good running shape? I don't like the songs on my iPod shuffle and my iPod mini only has 30 minutes of battery. I don't have a jogging stroller. I hate being sweaty. I hate being sore. I hate being tired. I don't believe in endorphins.
But I also have an odd motivation. Someone I really dislike is a runner, and I hate the fact that someone I dislike is doing the hobby that I want to do and I am not.
So, in the saddest of traditions, pure old-fashioned jealousy is motivating me to get up and start moving again. If I can keep it up, I'll post about it. If you never hear anything about running on the blog again, you'll know I've failed and we'll never talk about it again.