Friday, April 30, 2010

Another company makes my list


I hope everyone has a shit list. I sure do. Not an actual list, because it's a bit crazy to carry around a list of companies/people you hate, and, let's face it, mine would have to be a notebook. But Citizens Bank made my list this week, and here's why.

First off, Massachusetts is already on the list for charging $815 to take the bar exam. $815 I have to pay THEM to let me take a test that I don't even want to take. Plus, the $30,000 per year my law school cost (cheapest in the Commonwealth, by the way), the around $3500 I am spending on review courses so I can pass the bar exam...well, you get the idea. AND, not only does Mass want their $815, they want it in money order or certified bank check. I didn't know those things still existed. Do they still have traveler's checks, too?

Anyway, first I go into my "friendly" Citizens' Bank here in Malden that I pass on the way to the T (that's the subway) every morning. I should have known that a bank that has a security feature that only allows one person through the door at a time, and you have to wait in a tiny foyer for a light to turn green as though it's effing Fort Knox was going to be bad news. I was informed that I can't get a money order there, because I am not a member of Citizens' Bank. Umm...the fuck? Are you not a bank? The word "money" is in the phrase "money order". AND, I'm going to pay you MORE than $815 to print out a stupid piece of paper that says it's worth $815. I was informed I could go down to the local "D&D's" to get one for a dollar. It sounded like a crackhouse, so I opted to go to the post office.

After multiple days and trips to the ATM, I managed to round up my $815....in twenties. Because anyone taking out $400 at a time SURELY wants it in twenties. I FOOLISHLY go into Citizens' Bank this time, with a request that cannot be denied. All I want is hundred dollar bills for my twenties so I don't have to count out a bunch of twenties at the post office and feel like an idiot. I got through the cyber-chamber again and up to the teller. I cheerfully explain I have $800 in twenties that I would like eight one-hundred dollar bills for. I was informed that "I don't have 8. I can give you a few." I'm sorry? I thought you were one of those banks that had money in them. Do people come here and deal in livestock? Has your fancy foyer time traveled me back to the 1800s where hundred dollar bills were few and far between? I knew this bitch was lying. It's like the airline people behind the computer that type type type away only to inform you they can't sit you and your husband together during your honeymoon, even though they totally can. Liars, every single one of them. I should have called her on it and said "Maybe the next teller has some you can borrow." I mean, if it's a policy for the bank not to give out that many bills, first, that's retarded. I'm exchanging money for money. Second, just say so, don't tell me "I don't have that many hundred dollar bills." If that was true, you would be the worst bank known to man. Which...you are. So, she gave me five. Really? Three more is just too much?

Bottom line...I am not a CB customer, nor would I ever be now that I see how they treat people. Worst customer service ever.

3 comments:

syngerma said...

Very amusing.
You've been on the east coast for over 3 years and you still think like a nice mid-west girl. I would never go into a bank that I did not belong to and expect any level of service - cynical(?). Does the bank gain your business by providing you with an exchange - or does the bank cause you to switch to banking with them because they have a branch which is conveniently located for you? [2 visits in 1 week] Apparently, neither of those work to their benefit in your case, so, on a business sense, what is the incentive for them to help you out? Do you want the bank to be nice just because? How very Pollyanna (ahem, mid-west) of you.
I love New England - and that you think this bank should operate in a different way makes me want to visit Indiana someday (I'm assuming the reason you expected a different level of service for non-member Alison is because of the way things are in your original neighborhood). Do they give you cookies and balloons when you go into any bank in your hometown, that is, in addition to gladly changing your twenties into hundreds? Shame on me for asking, of course, because I bet the ATM's in Indy spew out $100 bills when you withdraw $400 - eliminating the need to change the smaller denom.

Ali said...

Manners aren't a Midwestern thing, they are a human and a good business thing. And they DO have them in the Northeast. The Middlesex Superior Court, the post office in Back Bay, all completely friendly. Citizens Bank and biting blog commentary from my friends? Not so much.

Anonymous said...

Money orders come from the post office.

That said, that bank does show a high level of rudeness and evil, even for a bank. It's probable that the teller really *does* only have five $100 bills in her drawer, but there's a nice way and a rude way to go about explaining that.

As for the Midwest and manners, I'm originally from the D.C. suburbs myself, and I was outraged when Wachovia tried to charge me for cashing a check drawn on THEIR bank. They have to pay it eventually anyway!